Boss stricken

This is an article I had written some 3 years ago for a friend's web portal... obviously an immature effort from an amateur writer.... but i haven't changed it...
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Boss-stricken
You would be among the chosen few if you don’t have a person, usually called your “boss”, supervising you. He is supposed to be someone who, more often than not, will make you feel miserable in your shoes; his presence will be enough for your perfectly running program to let the air out of it; he’ll blame you for not working as he expects, (not to mention he’ll never tell you what he expects); and last but not the least, he’ll take credit for all the good work that you have done. I, having worked under at least five different bosses within a span of only one and a half years (it’s not that I was changing jobs that rapidly), thought it my responsibility to lend a helping hand to my younger readers in preparing for the inevitable; The Boss.
In the lines that follow, I’ll share with you what my experience with bosses has been. I’ll tell what happens when bosses go livid on their subjects, and vice versa. Given below are some points that are the essence of my experience, and I am thankful to the editors to have given me the opportunity to convey that to you. So without further ado, here we go!

1. Follow the golden rules: If you don’t, know it now, the boss is always right. Sooner or later you’ll have to acquiesce no matter how. And pretty ironically, you’ll be sure that the person standing in front of you is a gem of an idiot, yet you’ll have to do the work his way.

2. Think like your boss: Stupid as it may sound, this might just do the trick for you to be able to foresee your boss’s mood. However, as a precaution, better not think of yourself while you think “Bossily”, since doing so may lead you to some extremely provocative inferences about yourself.

3. Never tell him you have an appointment: For 3 out of my 5 bosses, whenever I have told them I have an appointment, out of nowhere, assignments popped up half an hour before my departure. These would the issues any Tom or Harry may resolve, but they would be miraculously busy at that time. And all I could do was helplessly staring at the clock ticking.

4. If you are late, avoid seeing him: Believe me, if he is the first person you meet when you are late, you’ll be lucky to get to your seat before lunch, since you’ll be standing in front of him listening to all the crap he thinks you are proving for the company. And obviously, once the lunch is over, bury the idea of it. I recommend meeting when nicely fed, both you and your boss.

5. Never tell him the true reason for your absence: Or for that matter, never say you had a fever or flu, since
you’ll be presented with some undeniable proof that he was suffering from the same ailment, yet he worked till late night. Followed by a lecture on what he thinks the problem with the new generation of employees is. The climax will most probably be the story of his life. In doing so, he’ll have wasted an hour and obviously blame you for not having value for time. So, to avoid all this, I suggest, as you would expect, burying a non-existent and already-deceased distant relative.

6. Watch out for unusually friendly attitude: If your rude boss starts talking politely, apply somewhere else for job; after all, you’ll have to do it the day after.

7. Never say No: Because doing that might just be your last act in the company.

One thing that you may have noticed is that I have used a masculine gender for bosses throughout this write-up. The reason is obvious; I have never come across a female boss. And predicting feminine behavior, and that too in a predominantly masculine clad, is beyond my talent.